Sry I called you an 8
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
