Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
