all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
