My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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