you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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