dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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