Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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