I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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