I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Randomize
