do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Randomize
