We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
