dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
