I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
