We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
