I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
