Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
