it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
