ugly people sure do ruin things
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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