Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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