the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Randomize
