There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
operation have a gay friend backfired
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
Randomize
