So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Randomize
