You're my little dorito
My nipple is on Facebook.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
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