Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
