2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Randomize
