if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
