i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
