I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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