apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I need water and some morals
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
