I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
the liver wants what the liver wants
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
