Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize