Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Randomize
