I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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