The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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