I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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