the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Everyone says I win the strip club
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
