I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
