Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
