I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
