im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
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