yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
MIDGETS
????
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
