I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
and you fell through a lawn chair
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
