ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
