She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
