His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
