It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
