Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
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