Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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