It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Randomize
