Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Randomize
