im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
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