My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
