so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
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