She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
