He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
The power of my boobs compel you
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Randomize
