I wish I only lived at night.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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