so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
