I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize