That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize