I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
