i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
