If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
This toilet bowl is my home.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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