Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
