She said her name was "party"
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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